Soul Sucking - Cable Company Style

About 13 years ago I signed up with the local cable company. Since Des Moines is the equivalent of a little cow town sitting in the middle of nowhere when it comes to modern conveniences, there was only the one company. Our cable bill at that time was $30. I’m sure that by now anyone that has even heard of cable TV can see where this is going. Our cable bill last month was $80. No premium channels, no TIVO or other DVR, no cable box to eliminate punching in arcane codes to get each channel, no frills, just basic cable. $80 a month.

We’ve made several attempts to get some kind of satellite TV either DISH or DIRECTTV but we have this enormous 80+ year old oak tree in the way on the south side of the house. One installer came out and told us how much of the tree we would have to cut away to allow the dish to view the satellites. Four hundred dollars worth of tree work later the next installer told us we should have cut away more. So rather than keep pouring money into tree work and perhaps endangering the life of the tree we stopped going down that path.

So now we are trying to cut the cord by way of antenna TV and streaming internet. Our broadband connection is provided by our phone company and it has been satisfactory up to now. Service when needed has been courteous and prompt. Just last month our modem was swapped out at no cost to us either for the service call or the hardware. However this is DSL. And slow DSL at that coming in at purported speed of 1.5 mbps – when the wind is right and you hold your mouth just so. Contacting the company about higher speeds revealed they are not available because they are dependent on fiber optics and we are trapped in the 1950s Des Moines.

A couple of hours of frantic googling revealed that the only non-business route to higher speed broadband here in Hog Hollow is through (dramatic pause) our cable company! Their rates start at $29.95 the first year, but then start the periodic (monthly) increases so familiar from their cable TV service. So in order to get rid of cable and have a high speed internet feed we have to deal with the very company we are trying to escape from. This is capitalism? Who gave these guys this monopoly? This company (that rhymes with PediaPom) has a license to commit obscene acts on their customers without so much as dinner or a kiss.

Tires - Give me a break!

This morning when heading out to work at 7:10 AM with temperature at 12 degrees (F) a tire was low. An attempt to fire up the compressor ensued. When temperatures are below 15 the compressor tries to start up and then promptly trips a circuit breaker. Now the house must be unlocked and a descent to the basement to flip the breaker follows. Then the compressor operates normally – every time. It’s like a ritual. Below 15 degrees? Compressor on, breaker off, reset breaker – everything returns to normal. Even when it’s 10 below zero you only have to try once. The compressor is like a sulky little kid that wants a piece of candy before doing what you want. It’s just one of life’s little annoyances.

The part that puts a burr under my saddle is the whole tire problem. Hold up your hands if you have tires on your vehicle over a year old and none of them have a slow leak. No one? I thought so. This is a case where “if they can put a man on the moon, why can’t they…” actually applies. We have had self sealing suits for our astronauts since the first space walks back in the 1960s. Is it too much to ask that this kind of technology be applied to tires? What good is a 50,000 mile tread warranty if the tire starts to leak after 10,000 miles and you are told “it can’t be repaired, it’s a break in the sidewall “ or some such nonsense? It’s a boatload of crap the size of the raft of the frigate Medusa. Just try and find a tire store that will actually repair a tire. There is always a reason why they can’t. Back when all I could afford to drive was a beater, when a tire leaked I bought a two dollar plug kit, stuck a plug in a leak myself and went merrily on with tires as bald as Uncle Fester and as old as the car itself. What changed? Now all you have to do is brush the curb and the next day you’re lucky if there is enough air in the tire to get out of the garage. We’re not talking about fly by night “Tires by Guido” black market specials either. These are Michelins or the equivalent. The tire industry seems to be the mac daddy of built in obsolescence.

Give me a break!

ISPs, Phone Companies, and Service calls, oh My!

The Rantmaster’s castle has experienced a bumpy road of late. Things are breaking down faster than I can even call for help. Before itemizing the list of crises for your entertainment I’d like to spin a tale of technical support buffoonery served up by my phone company / internet service provider. I won’t name the company but it rhymes with “sensory stink”. For the last two months my DSL (I know – but that’s all that is available in my area) has been dropping connection at varying intervals, sometimes several times a day. The tech support line was called on three occasions. Credit where it is due, I never had to wait long for a pseudo tech (script reader) but the heavily accented ladies were unable to connect the symptoms I described to a solution. In the hopes of a fix the old hot head held his temper through some very trying conversations none of which produced any results. Finally I resorted to the internet chat support option which I had to do from work since – catch22 – I couldn’t from home because of the bad connection problem. This tech was much more knowledgeable and was able, from my description of the problem, to tell me that they would have to send a service tech out to solve it. I was told, and soon received a confirming email, that a service tech would show up the next day “between 1:00 and 5:00”.

I’m sure that you can see where this is going. There is nothing more frustrating than this type of service appointment. Essentially you are being told that “we really don’t give a damn that you have to work in order to pay for our services, we expect you to give up half a day to wait for a service call that may or may not happen in a timely manner.” But over the barrel I was. So I went home at noon to wait. At 3:00 I clicked on a link in my confirmation letter to see what the service schedule looked like. (I had learned that I could get a reliable internet connection if I took a phone off the hook.) The schedule said that a tech would arrive between 5:43 and 7:00. And that was the point where my patience ran out. I called tech support to confirm this and the heavily accented lady informed me that yes, the service call was now scheduled for after 5:43 PM. The next 30 minutes was an exercise in rantsmanship. I prefaced it by saying I understood that the lady had no control over this but since SensoryStink had no phone, address, or email available to express my displeasure, she was going to hear it and she could pass it on to her superiors. I won’t elaborate, but at the end of my diatribe – vivid and intense but free of profanity - I’m sure that the message was received that I considered the company’s service policies to be the equivalent of the throughput of a male bovine. She, of course indicated that she “understood” and that there was nothing she could do. I complimented her on her unfailing politeness in the face of raw anger and hung up.

Twenty minutes later the service tech showed up, spent 30 minutes at my house, installed a new modem and charged me nothing.

Now I don’t want to suggest that flying off the handle like Peter Finch in Network had anything to do with this outcome, but the service came suspiciously fast. So thanks to whatever got this accomplished. Problem fixed after only four phone calls, one internet chat and one service call. Should this make me happy? I am somewhat perplexed.

Now on to other concerns. The recent cascade of problems started with the cord in a drapery rod breaking. Not earth shaking, but it took a month to get cord and find resources to figure out how to make the repair. Meanwhile we have a blizzard, fight an ice dam leaking into our three seasons room, desktop computer’s on/off switch on starts functioning only intermittently, kitchen stove oven starts turning on spontaneously due to faulty repair part supplied by Sears service, garage door opener chain jumps track leading to cracking my head on the malfunctioning door, slow leak develops in tire, squirrels chew bulbs off outdoor Christmas lights, orchestra rehearsals reach new heights of frustration, doofusses at work continue to prove their doofusity daily and it’s winter! My friends and associates are heard repeating the phrase “don’t poke the bear”. Color me cranky.