Microsoft - you ignorant slut!

Last night my Windows 7 desktop informed me that it had “critical” updates available. This happens on an average of once a week since Microsoft seems unable to get their products right the first fiftieth time. The Windows 7 update application also watches out for any updates it thinks are necessary to applications other than those belonging to Microsoft, because after all, Microsoft knows more about everything you may have on your computer than anyone else including you. So when it informed me that it had an update driver for my Nvidia graphics card I was surprised but willing to give it a try since I had been having issues with the card crashing when I was playing a MMORPG.

So after a 20 minute wait – standard for any Windows update – the computer restarted (really Microsoft? Really?? After all these years we still have to restart the machine after all updates and most software installs. Bush league Microsoft, bush league!) and low and behold all the graphics settings were hosed. I couldn’t get back to my original screen resolution. I tried to open the Nvidia control application only to be told that no Nvidia card was available!

Fortunately, and I almost hate to admit this, Microsoft did something right and included a restore feature in Windows 7 that allows you to return your machine to a previous state after they mangle the settings. This of course took half an hour and another restart but now I am back to where I was after over an hour of time totally wasted. The first version of windows came out in 1983. Thirty years ago!!! And Microsoft still can’t get it right. Seen Windows 8 yet? What a mess. Can you imagine using a machine with Windows 8 for business purposes? One can only hope that this is the final straw that pushes large business users like my employer over the edge and on to Linux.

Soul Sucking - Cable Company Style

About 13 years ago I signed up with the local cable company. Since Des Moines is the equivalent of a little cow town sitting in the middle of nowhere when it comes to modern conveniences, there was only the one company. Our cable bill at that time was $30. I’m sure that by now anyone that has even heard of cable TV can see where this is going. Our cable bill last month was $80. No premium channels, no TIVO or other DVR, no cable box to eliminate punching in arcane codes to get each channel, no frills, just basic cable. $80 a month.

We’ve made several attempts to get some kind of satellite TV either DISH or DIRECTTV but we have this enormous 80+ year old oak tree in the way on the south side of the house. One installer came out and told us how much of the tree we would have to cut away to allow the dish to view the satellites. Four hundred dollars worth of tree work later the next installer told us we should have cut away more. So rather than keep pouring money into tree work and perhaps endangering the life of the tree we stopped going down that path.

So now we are trying to cut the cord by way of antenna TV and streaming internet. Our broadband connection is provided by our phone company and it has been satisfactory up to now. Service when needed has been courteous and prompt. Just last month our modem was swapped out at no cost to us either for the service call or the hardware. However this is DSL. And slow DSL at that coming in at purported speed of 1.5 mbps – when the wind is right and you hold your mouth just so. Contacting the company about higher speeds revealed they are not available because they are dependent on fiber optics and we are trapped in the 1950s Des Moines.

A couple of hours of frantic googling revealed that the only non-business route to higher speed broadband here in Hog Hollow is through (dramatic pause) our cable company! Their rates start at $29.95 the first year, but then start the periodic (monthly) increases so familiar from their cable TV service. So in order to get rid of cable and have a high speed internet feed we have to deal with the very company we are trying to escape from. This is capitalism? Who gave these guys this monopoly? This company (that rhymes with PediaPom) has a license to commit obscene acts on their customers without so much as dinner or a kiss.

Tires - Give me a break!

This morning when heading out to work at 7:10 AM with temperature at 12 degrees (F) a tire was low. An attempt to fire up the compressor ensued. When temperatures are below 15 the compressor tries to start up and then promptly trips a circuit breaker. Now the house must be unlocked and a descent to the basement to flip the breaker follows. Then the compressor operates normally – every time. It’s like a ritual. Below 15 degrees? Compressor on, breaker off, reset breaker – everything returns to normal. Even when it’s 10 below zero you only have to try once. The compressor is like a sulky little kid that wants a piece of candy before doing what you want. It’s just one of life’s little annoyances.

The part that puts a burr under my saddle is the whole tire problem. Hold up your hands if you have tires on your vehicle over a year old and none of them have a slow leak. No one? I thought so. This is a case where “if they can put a man on the moon, why can’t they…” actually applies. We have had self sealing suits for our astronauts since the first space walks back in the 1960s. Is it too much to ask that this kind of technology be applied to tires? What good is a 50,000 mile tread warranty if the tire starts to leak after 10,000 miles and you are told “it can’t be repaired, it’s a break in the sidewall “ or some such nonsense? It’s a boatload of crap the size of the raft of the frigate Medusa. Just try and find a tire store that will actually repair a tire. There is always a reason why they can’t. Back when all I could afford to drive was a beater, when a tire leaked I bought a two dollar plug kit, stuck a plug in a leak myself and went merrily on with tires as bald as Uncle Fester and as old as the car itself. What changed? Now all you have to do is brush the curb and the next day you’re lucky if there is enough air in the tire to get out of the garage. We’re not talking about fly by night “Tires by Guido” black market specials either. These are Michelins or the equivalent. The tire industry seems to be the mac daddy of built in obsolescence.

Give me a break!

ISPs, Phone Companies, and Service calls, oh My!

The Rantmaster’s castle has experienced a bumpy road of late. Things are breaking down faster than I can even call for help. Before itemizing the list of crises for your entertainment I’d like to spin a tale of technical support buffoonery served up by my phone company / internet service provider. I won’t name the company but it rhymes with “sensory stink”. For the last two months my DSL (I know – but that’s all that is available in my area) has been dropping connection at varying intervals, sometimes several times a day. The tech support line was called on three occasions. Credit where it is due, I never had to wait long for a pseudo tech (script reader) but the heavily accented ladies were unable to connect the symptoms I described to a solution. In the hopes of a fix the old hot head held his temper through some very trying conversations none of which produced any results. Finally I resorted to the internet chat support option which I had to do from work since – catch22 – I couldn’t from home because of the bad connection problem. This tech was much more knowledgeable and was able, from my description of the problem, to tell me that they would have to send a service tech out to solve it. I was told, and soon received a confirming email, that a service tech would show up the next day “between 1:00 and 5:00”.

I’m sure that you can see where this is going. There is nothing more frustrating than this type of service appointment. Essentially you are being told that “we really don’t give a damn that you have to work in order to pay for our services, we expect you to give up half a day to wait for a service call that may or may not happen in a timely manner.” But over the barrel I was. So I went home at noon to wait. At 3:00 I clicked on a link in my confirmation letter to see what the service schedule looked like. (I had learned that I could get a reliable internet connection if I took a phone off the hook.) The schedule said that a tech would arrive between 5:43 and 7:00. And that was the point where my patience ran out. I called tech support to confirm this and the heavily accented lady informed me that yes, the service call was now scheduled for after 5:43 PM. The next 30 minutes was an exercise in rantsmanship. I prefaced it by saying I understood that the lady had no control over this but since SensoryStink had no phone, address, or email available to express my displeasure, she was going to hear it and she could pass it on to her superiors. I won’t elaborate, but at the end of my diatribe – vivid and intense but free of profanity - I’m sure that the message was received that I considered the company’s service policies to be the equivalent of the throughput of a male bovine. She, of course indicated that she “understood” and that there was nothing she could do. I complimented her on her unfailing politeness in the face of raw anger and hung up.

Twenty minutes later the service tech showed up, spent 30 minutes at my house, installed a new modem and charged me nothing.

Now I don’t want to suggest that flying off the handle like Peter Finch in Network had anything to do with this outcome, but the service came suspiciously fast. So thanks to whatever got this accomplished. Problem fixed after only four phone calls, one internet chat and one service call. Should this make me happy? I am somewhat perplexed.

Now on to other concerns. The recent cascade of problems started with the cord in a drapery rod breaking. Not earth shaking, but it took a month to get cord and find resources to figure out how to make the repair. Meanwhile we have a blizzard, fight an ice dam leaking into our three seasons room, desktop computer’s on/off switch on starts functioning only intermittently, kitchen stove oven starts turning on spontaneously due to faulty repair part supplied by Sears service, garage door opener chain jumps track leading to cracking my head on the malfunctioning door, slow leak develops in tire, squirrels chew bulbs off outdoor Christmas lights, orchestra rehearsals reach new heights of frustration, doofusses at work continue to prove their doofusity daily and it’s winter! My friends and associates are heard repeating the phrase “don’t poke the bear”. Color me cranky.

No Freebies!!

My wife and I play in a woodwind quintet that we founded and that has been in existence for 12 years. The members are all musicians of exceptional talent and abilities. Here in Pig's Rectum USA demand for live chamber music is limited, but we do eke out a few paying gigs each year and visit nursing homes and hospices gratis. Our repertoire is large enough that we can play for four hours without repetition (add an additional two hours for Christmas specific music). Our quality is such that during the Christmas season one large upscale national department store hires us year after year as the ONLY group that they pay to provide atmosphere. Our training and experience is collectively in excess of 200 years.

Nevertheless, we constantly receive requests to play for free. I think that I have mentioned elsewhere that one of my wise teachers advised me “never play for free, people will think that is what you are worth”. These requests always mention that this would be “good exposure for the group”. At my age I have had decades of exposure! When does it start to pay off? Would anyone have the gall to call up a plumber and say “Our pipes are clogged up and we need your services. We can’t pay you but it will be good exposure.”? The very concept is ludicrous. Yet people who make these requests can get very bent out of shape when you refuse to provide free entertainment.

The worst part is that most of these requests come from large non-profit organizations who are throwing a huge fund raising banquet or similar bash. The money expended on venue, food, decorations speakers fees, etc. etc. etc. must run into many thousands of dollars, yet $250 for live music? Can’t be done. It would be a different matter if the organization in question had previously established some kind of relationship with the group they approach, but it is as if they pull names out of a hat. “Hey this is Jenny with Millionaires for Muskrats and we’re throwing a gala. We’d like for you to provide about an hour of background music during the banquet. You’d be expected to donate your services of course.” Of course? Why of course? Is it so universal that musicians are considered to be all but orgasming over the possibility of an hour of unfunded labor that it is just assumed that requests for free services are taken for granted? I’ll have to try this at the local bar. “Hey I’m Rich with Donuts for Dachshunds, I’d like for you to provide me with a keg of Heineken’s finest. You’ll be expected to donate this item of course.” I doubt if I’d even have time to see the bouncer coming.

Are you people nuts?

Anyone who doubts that the human race is collectively losing its mind has only to observe the juggernaut of absurdity known as black Friday. If any single event exemplifies the extent to which our national holidays have been corrupted by greed and a total abandonment of common sense it is this orgy of materialism. Even the media, which suckles at the teat of retail advertising, is becoming repulsed by the whole repugnant spectacle as this article on Marketwatch.com indicates. Retailers are ruining the holidays.

It was bad enough when stores opened at 6:00 AM and eager sheep began lining up the previous evening but now retailers driven by ravenous mammonism cannot wait even 24 hours to revel in the squander mania of the crowds with pockets so fairly flaming with cash that they begin lining up days in advance. Retail employees are now required to forsake their homes and families during Thanksgiving Day in order to participate in the plundering. Rather than observing a day in which to give thanks for what we have already received, retail merchants trample tradition in the mud of avarice while demanding more, more, MORE.

And for what? It seems all too easy to decry a materialism where demonstrations of parental love seem to require vast expenditures to acquire extravagant playthings that will be unused and forgotten before the first month of the new year is out; where only the newest and most flamboyant entertainment delivery systems are suitable to display in our living rooms and where every living human being must be equipped with an electronic pacifier whereby they can keep in contact with other humans without actually having to deal with them face to face.

The fact is that the fruit of the frenzy for which people are willing to die (witness tramplings and similar tragedies of past events) is largely crap. Chinese and Japanese manufacturers turn out stripped down versions of products already burdened with built in obsolescence produced especially for this event so that people will willingly stampede to purchase an item on which they will “save” the cost of a Big Mac.

The psychology of black Friday is subtle and insidious. Once inside a temple of trash, mob mentality takes over and all thought of what is actually needed gives way to the desire to load the cart with anything perceived as a bargain. Additional incentive is the element of competition. Seemingly normal housewives will revert to feral behavior struggling over a bin of trinketry.

I could go on – but to what end. Thanksgiving is morphing into a demonstration of what is the very worst about American capitalism. Black Friday. Indeed.

So long Mitt, don't let the door hit you on the way out.

So our long national nightmare of the 2012 campaign season is over and the republicans have been handed yet another clue that the demographic they appeal to is shrinking and their fragmented party can’t seem to do anything about it. To the contrary they almost seemed to flaunt it in picking as their party’s nominee a man who not only could not shake the image of a rich arrogant white man but seemed to have no desire to. Maybe the fact that Romney’s religion teaches him that he will someday be an equal with God made him feel that it was his destiny to be President of the United States. Even while winning the first of the three debates his persona was one of a condescending know it all surprised that he even had to deal with his uppity opponent. His plans for a fireworks display over Boston Harbor and his failure to prepare two speeches for election eve as did Obama indicate that he believed that he could not lose. Only when the rest of the country already knew he had lost did he, after an hour and a half’s delay, finally deliver a hastily prepared concession speech which ironically was the most sincere and human of the entire campaign.

Throughout the campaign Romney seemed to believe that no matter what he said publicly or privately he would prevail in the end. Caught in outrageous lies nearly daily he persisted in spewing enormous whoppers right to the end when even the head of Chrysler had to issue statements deploring his fantasies about sending the jeep unit to China. Behind closed doors he said things to supporters that he should have had second thoughts about even revealing to his closest aides. The 47% statement was beyond all comprehension for someone who had been in the political arena as long as Romney. His shameless pandering as he put on the spray tan for a Hispanic audience, affected a southern drawl for an audience of good old boys, and posed as an arch-conservative for two years only to repudiate it all and turn into a moderate in the final 30 days of the campaign underlined his belief that what he said and who he was had no bearing on his perceived coronation as leader of the corporate states of America.

Never since Richard Nixon had the republicans fielded such a dishonest slippery conman, but it seems that Americans have learned something since then. As the saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Even though half the electorate is below average intelligence there were enough in that half perceptive enough to see through the fakery. Mitt Romney could have easily done a walk on in a revival of Best Little Whorehouse in Texas singing “Sidestep” but without the humor of Charles Durning. It could have been his theme song.

Now if we can just figure out a way to get elected legislators to do something that benefits the country instead of pouting over who is in the White House.