There are some folk who don't see the gem inside my rough exterior who might consider me a hot head. To which I say a hearty "bite me". But let this opinion be a caution that within this blog may lurk items of a venting nature or perhaps those which might be considered a rant. So be it. Proceed with caution. You have been warned.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Half the people you meet.....

are below average intelligence. By definition. Think about it. I thought a lot about it right after the 2004 election. I've even researched the wide variety of stupidity. Take a look at this site and it's obvious that this guy has done a lot of thinking about it too. I like the way he has the domain of the stupid broken down into categories: Fools, Idiots, Stooges, Doofuses, Spazes, Airheads, Twits, Dolts, Morons, Imbeciles, Retards and Cretins. Anyone can make a list of their own - Boneheads, mouth-breathers, fog-dwellers, trance-walkers, slack jawed yokels, dumbasses, etc. etc. I'll bet that there is an astonishing list of words for the mentally challenged in Yiddish.

Anyone who is baffled by how much stupidity they witness on a daily basis should check out the 5 basic laws of stupidity
here. I particularly like the conclusion that "A stupid person is more dangerous than a bandit."

During the everyday struggle for survival I witness what I will call "Standard Stupidities" on a daily basis. Some of these are just mildly curious while others are life threatening.

A few selected examples:

The Malevolent Elevator
Working as I do in a large office building, I get to see this one three or four times a day. A group of people stand in front of a bank of elevators waiting for an elevator to arrive. Once it arrives, people begin boarding, pressing as they board, the button for their desired floor. When doing this, they look at the buttons. Buttons that light up once they have been pressed. I have observed that at least 80% of the people boarding an elevator will press the button for their floor even if it is already lit up. Likewise, when a newcomer arrives at the area where passengers wait for the elevator, at least 50% of the time they will press the "up" or "down" button even if IT is already lit. What do you suppose (if anything) is going on in their minds. "Oh, the elevator can tell how many people are in it (or waiting for it) and if the total button presses don't equal the number of people then the door will never open." A harmless but puzzling stupidity.

Clueless Motorist
Oh, there are so many of these - where to begin. How about the automobile owner on their way to work during rush hour with their cell phone firmly attached to the side of their head and frequently balancing a cup of coffee who cannot figure out which of two lanes they really want so they drive down the middle thus frustrating both lanes behind them. What is the logic here? "I want to finish this phone call and coffee so badly that I am willing to bet my life that no one will either; a) run into me, or (on the West Coast) b) haul out a pistol and relieve me of worry about going over my monthly minutes on a permanent basis."

Without needlessly belaboring the clueless motorist category (I'm sure everyone has a favorite example), what baffles me is that people get into a machine weighing upwards of 1000 pounds, coax it to speeds at which a head on collision is guaranteed to require the use of a putty knife to retrieve their remains and then don't bother to pay attention.

Hey, knucklehead! If you turn left from the right lane, the next drooling neanderthal coming up behind you is likely to embed a hood ornament in your rectum!

Don't bother to signal, we all know that the lever on the steering column is to hang underwear on.

Be sure and come to a complete stop when you are going to turn so that when you have failed to signal you get another chance at rectal embedment of some piece of automobile hardware.

Doofuses Fear Silence
"Hot (cold, wet, etc) enough for ya?" "How's the weather up there?" "How about them Knicks? (substitute name of local sports team as needed)" Translation: "I don't have anything original to say, nor could I formulate a coherent sentence if I did, but here's some noise coming out of my mouth that I hope will provide intellectual camouflage."

What the Hell is this Green Piece of Paper
Setting: Retail establishment of any kind.
Present your items for checkout and after being told the total, present twenty dollar bill (or whatever denomination). Clerk will 9 times out of 10 say "Out of twenty?" giving it a definite questioning inflection. The clerk is definitely not stating a fact or confirming what you just handed them, they are asking a question. Either that or they have forgotten how the English language works. (Maybe they have. English is not really considered an inflected language but questions definitely have a rising inflection.) If I didn't know that it would needlessly prolong the transaction I would love to answer "No, out of fifty." Then I would get to see the checkout monkey stand there looking helplessly from me to the bill in their hand while the hamster wheel spins out of control.

I could go on. And on. But it is remarkably depressing. I'm sure any reasonably intelligent reader has their own favorites. Feel free to leave examples in the comments.

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