Old Computer Blues

Old computers die, they don't just fade away, and if they don't demand constant attention on the way out their replacement requires tender loving care before they are ready to step up and do their job. My six year old desktop, Asmodeus, has been plagued by random crashes for several years. I sacrificed to it's appetite for components by installing a new video card and power supply at a cost of over $100 each before deciding it was never going to be reliable long term again. Which of course means replacement.

I believe that Microsoft and computer manufacturers conspire to make the replacement of a computer only slightly less stressful than water boarding. Having been in IT for the last 30 years I have always backed up my computers obsessively. Not only to external hard drives, but by cloning to a second HD in the computer itself. Now Asmodeus refuses to run consistently even on the clone so replacement is the only option. The problem is that you can only back up your data files. All your applications and peripheral hardware have to be reinstalled.

Find all those DVDs and CDs with software you bought. Find the ones with your printer/scanner/midi and other drivers. Now sit in front of the new computer for hours babysitting the installs. Oops here's one that won't register because you already have it on the old machine - Oh boy! Now you get to sit on hold while you wait for customer support to grill you like a criminal. Finally got all that software installed and now you get to try to install the software that you originally installed by way of downloads. Now where did I put the product keys for those? Inevitably there are some you pay for a second time because you can't find the keys and have to have them. Computer roulette = trying to guess which program won't run on the version of Windows® on the new machine because you can't buy a machine with the old version any longer.

Bottom line it usually takes me the better part of a week to get the new machine up and running. Worse, it make take months before I realize I overlooked something that I use infrequently but is essential. Do I have really have to say that this sucks like a lamprey? It's my belief that the source of this periodic frustration is Windows' registry. This was a bad idea 30 years ago and as operating systems and programs get more complicated it is a worse idea. When you buy a new computer you should be able to transfer data, programs, drivers and settings in a single operation. Come on Microsoft, its time for a no more tears OS!

Microsoft - you ignorant slut!

Last night my Windows 7 desktop informed me that it had “critical” updates available. This happens on an average of once a week since Microsoft seems unable to get their products right the first fiftieth time. The Windows 7 update application also watches out for any updates it thinks are necessary to applications other than those belonging to Microsoft, because after all, Microsoft knows more about everything you may have on your computer than anyone else including you. So when it informed me that it had an update driver for my Nvidia graphics card I was surprised but willing to give it a try since I had been having issues with the card crashing when I was playing a MMORPG.

So after a 20 minute wait – standard for any Windows update – the computer restarted (really Microsoft? Really?? After all these years we still have to restart the machine after all updates and most software installs. Bush league Microsoft, bush league!) and low and behold all the graphics settings were hosed. I couldn’t get back to my original screen resolution. I tried to open the Nvidia control application only to be told that no Nvidia card was available!

Fortunately, and I almost hate to admit this, Microsoft did something right and included a restore feature in Windows 7 that allows you to return your machine to a previous state after they mangle the settings. This of course took half an hour and another restart but now I am back to where I was after over an hour of time totally wasted. The first version of windows came out in 1983. Thirty years ago!!! And Microsoft still can’t get it right. Seen Windows 8 yet? What a mess. Can you imagine using a machine with Windows 8 for business purposes? One can only hope that this is the final straw that pushes large business users like my employer over the edge and on to Linux.

Software and Scorpions - I

The scorpion implores the turtle to carry it across the river on its back. The turtle is reluctant because of the scorpion’s unsavory reputation. But after many promises from the scorpion the turtle relents and halfway across the river is stung by the scorpion. The scorpion’s answer to the turtle’s agonized queries as to why he was so betrayed “You knew I was a scorpion when you took me on.” This well known fable is an apt analogy to the world of software users (turtles) and software manufacturers (scorpions). Not only do we continue to take on the scorpions, we have helped the scorpions to evolve into more and more venomous varieties.

In 1986, after a flurry of early computers with high prices, limited software and obscure operating systems, the arrival of IBM’s XT/286 computer combined with MSDOS made personal/business computer use practical. In these early days, software manufacturers just scrambling to get off the ground had to convince consumers not only that their product performed a job, but that the consumer actually had a need for it. In this environment products like Lotus 123, WordPerfect, dBase and the like each performed one well defined task and did it well. Software had to run in 640K (K, people, not M) so code had to be small, efficient and optimized for speed. Computers running under MSDOS (or DRDOS or IBMDOS – competition kept companies on their toes) could perform but one task at a time so through MSDOS 6.0 the operating system was tweaked and optimized to squeeze every bit of efficiency out of the 286 processor, the 640K of program space and the new slow and expensive 20M hard drives (that’s M not G). But on the horizon loomed a new product, Microsoft Windows, that was about to change all that.

In May of 1990, after five years of versions that were buggy and added nothing to productivity, Microsoft introduced Windows 3.0. Having introduced Microsoft Office for Windows in January, Microsoft now had an operating system and office suite that had eye appeal, could run programs above the 640K barrier and could (sort of) multi-task. In a very real sense, everything that has happened since in the Windows world has been tweaking of the 1990 product. The long bug plagued history of Microsoft products has been so well documented that I won’t beat this horse myself except to note that Microsoft has now fallen into the business model of selling a product that no one expects to live up to advance billing until months, sometimes years, after the initial release when enough service packs have been supplied to make the product behave. It’s like buying a new car and being resigned to the fact that the seats, air conditioning and heater will be made available at some future date.

Since the first release of Windows 98 in May of 1998 we have known that Microsoft breeds scorpions yet we continue to buy them and continue to squawk when they sting us. Some light seems to have dawned recently when Windows Vista proved to be a premature release similar to Windows ME only this time people stayed away in droves waiting for until the less bug filled version arrived with Windows 7 (Does Microsoft deliberately avoid a naming convention for the versions of Windows just to confuse us?). Still Microsoft hauled in huge amounts of money for an operating system that was universally panned. Why do we do this? What makes us collectively plow billions of dollars into products we know and accept will be flawed? Got any ideas? I’ll pursue this and point out that Microsoft isn’t alone in the scorpion filled world of big software in the next edition.