State of Iowa vs. Motorists

The State of Iowa seems to be of the opinion that highways exist for the primary purpose of providing employment for construction workers and only incidentally as a means for travelers to get from point A to point B. This is most evidenced in two ways. The first is the constant construction on highways throughout the state where highway workers can be seen walking up and down behind the orange barricades seemingly without goal or purpose. Deadlines for completion are constantly pushed back and when “improvement” projects are actually completed they are built to specifications put forth years ago and entirely inadequate for traffic conditions when they are finished. Consequently new projects are immediately begun to modernize those just completed. Consequently eternal employment is guaranteed to highway workers and eternal frustration to motorists.

The second indication is the complete misuse or absence of road signs. The philosophy here seems to be that if you don’t know how to get to your destination you don’t deserve to go. Road signs in Iowa tend to be missing, misleading or wrong. My first indication of this was when traveling to Des Moines from Peoria, Il. In no hurry and wanting to enjoy a leisurely scenic drive across Iowa I was traveling on US highway 6 rather than the taking the express route Interstate 80. As I approached Iowa City, a forest of the familiar orange cones rose up and made driving through this busy college town a test of courage and determination. As I neared the western edge of the city a sign appeared “Detour US 6” with an arrow pointing to a two lane highway headed north. I dutifully followed the sign and went off into the dusk expecting to be eventually guided back to route 6 by further signs. No such luck. An hour later, far into northern Iowa I realized I was on my own and that there would be no further help from the Iowa Department of Transportation. I eventually found my way to Des Moines by dead reckoning arriving two hours later than planned.  Now, having moved to Iowa and lived here for sixteen years I realize that this is simply business as usual for the Iowa DOT. You may or may not get a sign at a junction indicating to what destination the crossroad leads. And if you do, the odds are very good that the information may be incorrect. Yet I lived so long in the civilized world where the realization is that in the maze of highways crossing and crisscrossing this country travelers need indications of where highways lead that my expectations frequently exceed what Iowa is prepared to offer. Just last weekend attempting to find a county park in Warren county I turned right at a sign indicating the park was 4 miles to the south.  Forty minutes later I had not encountered another sign or a park. Just another frustration accepted as normal by native Iowans. Myself, I can’t say I will ever get used to it.

Do Not Drive Into Smoke

(Please excuse any formatting peculiarities on this entry, blogspot has conveniently decided to not let me use their full featured editor)
Long ago in a galaxy not so far away I made a trip from Illinois to California in a 1955 Chevy. People made trips similar to this in similar vehicles in those days and thought nothing of it. This was in the days before the interstate system was complete and much of this journey was made on two lane highways. On the outbound leg of the journey while driving through Oklahoma I noticed highway signs which said "Do Not Drive Into Smoke". I thought this was odd, but saw no smoke during my passage and thought little of it.

A couple of months later on the return trip in the heat of August with no AC and the windows wide open I chose to go by way of Kansas and mid afternoon near Hiawatha I saw a cloud of smoke drifting toward the highway. Having seen no warning signs in Kansas I drove on. At 50 miles per hour and too late to do anything about it, I noticed just before entering the smoke that it looked strangely particulate. No sooner had I noticed this than I was in the cloud and instantly the car was filled with grasshoppers!

When I say filled, I mean that there was not a cubic inch of space inside the car that did not contain a grasshopper. At highway speed I couldn't get pulled over until I was through the cloud and by that time I had grasshoppers in my hair, in my clothes, all over the seats, clinging to the upholstery and ceiling, covering the dash and floor, and in every vent and cranny of the Chevy. A long period of "debugging" myself and the car ensued and even a year later I was still finding grasshopper carcasses in forgotten crevices of the machine.

I was irate and freaked out at the time and wondered why more information was not supplied by the warning signs in Oklahoma. But then what would travelers of the times made of signs saying "Do Not Drive Into Grasshoppers"?