Playing for Nothing

I majored in music education in college. I picked music because there was little I enjoyed more than making music (with my friends - thanks Willie). During my final two years while I was playing piano, bass, sax, clarinet, bassoon and trombone at every opportunity and conducting every group I could that I was not actually playing in, my clarinet teacher gave me a piece of advice that I have come to recall many times in the years since. "Never play for nothing", he cautioned me, "people will think that's what you are worth."

I've been on both sides of the pro/amateur musician profile and in previous entries in this blog I've gone to some lengths to explain the rewards of bringing live orchestral music to those who otherwise could never afford to attend and providing full pit orchestras in venues that could never afford the pros. Evidently full pit orchestras will soon go the way of the dodo everywhere as even shows appearing on Broadway are making every effort to replace musicians with digital synthesizers while musicians' unions make futile efforts to preserve these jobs. So even as amateur musicians are working to provide and preserve music performance that is either rapidly vanishing or becoming prohibitively expensive, organizations and individuals who recruit amateur groups to enhance their productions are doing their very best to demoralize and discourage the very people they depend on to complete their audience's experience.

Our local ballet company has been trumpeting their pride in that our city finally has a year round professional ballet. Be that as it may, for a live orchestra this professional company still turns to the amateurs and it is easy to see why. For a recent engagement there were three rehearsals and two performances. The going terms of the musician's union local would be $90.00 per person per 2 1/2 hour service. $90.00 X 40 musicians X 5 services is $18,000.00, a sum that would leave this company, like many throughout the country, using recorded music were it not for volunteer musicians.

Faced with these facts you would expect volunteer musicians to be treated with respect and gratitude. Nothing could be further from the fact. Instead they are treated like galley slaves. Four to five hour rehearsals with no breaks are the norm. With no constraints on time or costs, rehearsals are disorganized and the musicians sometimes wait idle up to forty minutes while problems are worked out that could have easily been addressed in technical rehearsals requiring no live music. Promises as to rehearsal length are made and quickly broken. Offers of buffet lunches in return for early rehearsal times for people who all have day jobs are made and not realized. Musicians arrive and leave for each rehearsal and performance without a single word of appreciation from either those in charge of, or participating in, the production.

Lest I be accused of picking on this particular organization, this has been the norm in various summer theater productions as well. It has brought home the perception that one of the reasons that musicians' unions exist beyond the obvious remuneration consideration is that union contracts force those in charge of productions such as this to realize that a musician's time has value and is to be wasted at financial peril.

My own perception is that money alone is not entirely a substitute for respect and gratitude, but it helps. People that wish to treat others like indentured servants should expect to pay for the privilege. If you can't afford to pay, then consider doing without if you can't extend common courtesy to those you wish to exploit.

My teacher was right. In spite of our huge contribution to these local performances, somehow because we play for nothing, far too many people think this is what we are worth. Personally I have been burnt too many times and am getting to old to expect things to ever change. I'm going to have to rethink the cost/reward equation of doing these things in the future.

Guide to Musicians in the Wild

Anyone who has ever participated in an amateur band or orchestra becomes familiar with a similar roster of musicians. Stereotypical these descriptions may be, but stereotypes would not exist without a plethora of real life examples. The following is a list of the musicians you will be likely to find in your community band or orchestra.

Casey Concertmaster: First chair violinist in the orchestra or first chair clarinet in the band, this personage elevates the concept of big frog in a small pond to a near art form. Always eager to demonstrate their superiority to the rank and file as well as insinuating not so subtly that the conductor can't possibly appreciate the difficulties of their instrument, they are always bouncing out of their chair to correct tuning, demonstrate bowing, question the judgment of first chair players in other sections and in general produce a constant undercurrent of irritation in their peers.

Tracey Tenthumbs (percussionist): These people began dropping equipment in elementary school and have been honing their clumsiness ever since. They stand surrounded by an array of implements of cacophony that they cannot resist fumbling with even when their current task is simply to do nothing and do it silently. As they grow older and more skilled their intrusions into the softest most delicate passages of music grow from simple stick dropping in their tender years to the upsetting of trap tables, falling into bell trees, drop kicking cymbals and flinging wood blocks onto timpani heads as they mature. There is no end to their creativity and they can be counted on to introduce some new mood crushing burst of noise at the most inopportune musical moments.

Auntie Authority: Usually a geriatric member of the string section, considers longevity to be the equivalent of wisdom and wastes no time letting everyone in the orchestra know that she is in general disagreement with everyone else including the conductor and concertmaster. Often echoes conductorial instructions as if in disbelief: Conductor "This section is in three." AA (incredulous): "It's in three?"

Lynn Lookatme: Often a dual role with Auntie Authority, Lynn Lookatme loses no opportunity to hold up the rehearsal with trivial questions to the conductor on issues that have long since been resolved. Many of these questions are held in reserve until the dress rehearsal. If the opportunity seems right, Lynn stands to ask these questions so no one will be in doubt as to who is so diligent. Other attention grabbing devices include standing and looking around aimlessly, turning around in the chair to demonstrate one of her favorite technical quirks (for a string playing Lynn an unneeded bowing demonstration is always good for an interruption) or asking a question immediately after it has already been answered.

Tommy Trombone: Tommy has neither any ability to count nor even a particle of relative pitch sense. At rehearsals he will reliably either come in early or fail to come in at all. When Tommy does make an entrance the notes emanating from his instrument are likely to be aleatoric (musician-speak = random). In spite of being the frequent target of correction by the conductor, Tommy remains unfailingly cheerful.

Vick Volume: Always a brass player and most often a trumpeter, no matter how early Vick arrives for rehearsal he will warm up without letup until the rehearsal starts and always at a fortissimo level. Vick seldom occurs alone and is often in the company of Lee Leatherlip who has the same warm up habits. The faulty intonation of some woodwind players is often due to hearing damaged by sitting in front of these two.

Owen OCD: Will invariably be an oboist. Anyone who can deal with the dreaded oboe reed has to be OCD.

Ashley Airhead: Always friendly, agreeable and technically highly skilled Ashley drifts into other planes of existence during rests and is constantly surprised upon missing entrances. Frequently found in flute sections.

Lesley Latecomer: (may be related to Lynn Lookatme) Lesley cannot make it to rehearsal on time. Has no conflicting appointments or emergencies. Just cannot get their ducks in a row because a total lack of organization. Has absolutely no shame or consideration for others. Week after week arrives after rehearsal has begun and then proceeds to step on feet, knock over stands, kick instruments and bang their instrument on other's heads on the way to their chair.

Darby the Delusional Diva: Under the impression that they are so skilled that they do not need to show up for rehearsal they attend 20% or less of rehearsals ensuring that at some time during the performance they will make an gaffe obvious to everyone in the audience. This does nothing to change their high opinion of themselves. Darby thrives in an atmosphere of permissive conductors and gutless boards of directors.

This brief menagerie is made up of the ones that come quickly to mind. Anyone have any favorites to add?

Is God a Republican?

A nonsensical question certainly. But the present primary season here in the US certainly has many trying to persuade us that if God is not a Republican, since He can't vote He wants all of us who are not abject sinners to place a Republican in the White House. (For the rest of this rant, let's try to forget that one of the messages of the Bible is that we are ALL abject sinners whether we hail from Texas or not.)

The message currently employed by the evangelical right is that any of us deluded enough to vote for the other party have called the wrath of the almighty upon this country and unless we return to the Lord as defined by the eventual party nominee (which of course is presumed to be the message bearer) and elect that nominee as our president so that under his leadership laws can be passed to ensure that every United States citizen adheres strictly to the Biblical interpretation peculiar to his denomination or sect, our country is going to perish in hellfire (or at least a series of tsunamies or hurricanes both of which have lately been ascribed to the picque of a God with His nose out of joint).

I think it speaks volumes about the desperation of the republican party that "I should be president because God approves of me." has become a viable campaign strategy. With a total dearth of new ideas on how to relieve the country of its current economic woes while still financing the killing of muslims and other innocent bystanders the republican hopefuls have nothing better to offer than "I know God better than you do."

And, unfortunately, people who have more fear than intelligence are buying this steaming load. What the evangelicals' darlings are espousing is the gradual institution of a theocracy. They really hate to have to dance around it, but for those who still remember a document called the Constitution that pesky establishment clause keeps them from outright proclamation of the Southern Baptist candidate. Let's bear in mind that soon after the establishment of a theocracy comes the purging of heretics.

Of course the critical observer has to laugh at the self induced paths of hypocrisy this produces. We have a Mormon candidate proclaiming that his being a Mormon won't in the least influence his decisions and policies. In my opinion that brands him as not much of a Mormon at all. If you really have faith you should definitely let that faith guide your hand in leadership. Which means that the stance of the gentleman from Texas who basically openly says "Every American should be forced to adhere to Bible teachings as I understand them" is the more honest of the two (dare I say "God help us."?). Then we have the spectacle of at least two of the candidates admitting that they used to be wrong (mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa!) but have seen the light and now can be trusted implicity in spite of: 1) now saying that they stand for things they loudly denounced in the past or, 2) claiming that in spite of being unethical servants, adulterous mates and unfeeling ogres they are now really good guys.

 

How gullible are we?

 

Judging from early results here in the land of sheep, pretty gullible.

Some Holiday Cheer

Last Sunday I participated in a holiday tradition I first experienced over forty-nine years ago. That makes me a youngster in the history of this tradition which began two hundred and seventy years ago in Dublin Ireland. That tradition was a performance of George Frederic Handel's oratorio "Messiah". This masterpiece has never fallen entirely out of favor since its beginnings and has survived grotesque though well meaning "editing/arranging" as well as monster concerts with numbers of performers undreamed of (and probably rightly scorned) by Handel.

Evidently it was sometime in the late 1960s or early 70s when the phenomenon of "scratch" or "sing it yourself" Messiahs began to spring up in the United States. These events feature a core group (the orchestra and soloists) prepared in advance to which the audience itself adds the chorus parts. I began singing in these 25 years ago and for the last twelve have played in the orchestra for one that has a history of over 26 years in the same city.

Evidently you don't have to be Christian (or really a very good musician!) to participate in these as I have seen people happily singing their hearts out that never darken a church doorway the rest of the year. And as our conductor reminded the audience this year, such an event now joins a community of hundreds of these events involving thousands of people around the world.

What seems remarkable is that in this era of mass commercialization of the holiday season along with its frustrations and abuses, the spirit of good will, brotherhood, hope, and joy springs forth in these performances. As I sit in the orchestra and look out into the audience/chorus as they listen to the soloists I see the years drop from their faces and they look as they might have looked decades ago in the anticipation of Christmas morning. When they stand and sing the joy in their eyes is unmistakable. How does it happen? I'm sure that the genius of the music has something to do with it. During the three hours the venue where this takes place becomes a haven where you can forget the craziness of black Friday shopping, the resentments and disappointments of holidays past, the sorrow and strife that pervades the world. For this brief period those of us involved have our Scrooge personas drop away and somehow magically know what the words "spirit of Christmas" can sometimes conjure up.

So once every December I am reminded that things are not all that bad, that there are probably more good people than evil in the world and that "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

Hallelujah!

Housing Market Follies

I'm sure that there is no one left in the United States that doesn't know that the housing market is in the crapper and circling the drain. There is no doubt whatsoever that the largest part of this situation was created by greedy, near criminal, irresponsible banking institutions and other financial corporations trading obscure derivatives on wall street like bubble gum cards with about as much real worth.

However, there is another smaller yet integral part of the puzzle that makes it nearly impossible to sell a house even if you have an willing buyer. That part is eagerly supplied by incompetent realtors, title companies, bankers (there they are again - what a coincidence) and small time swindlers. This will be a tale of a hypothetical situation (hypothetical to avoid any implied information about actual people who might be involved in such an actual collosal FUBAR).

The story begins when the matriach and patriach of Midwesthappyfamily passed away. Midwesthappyfamily then embarked on a series of marathon weekends where members of the family visited from several remote locations to clean out the house and prepare it for the auction of its contents in preparation for the sale of the house itself. Now imagine how easy these transactions would be if the following desired events were to occur.

1) Auctioneer takes charge of auction preparations per instructions from family, house contents are sold and house is ready for sale.
2) Realtor lists house and performs duties regarding communications of offers, counter offers, needed documents, etc.
3) Offer accepted
4) Bank sets up appraisal- appraisal is made.
5) Decision to make loan is made. If decision is no, return to #2.
6) Loan is okayed - closing date is set.
7) Title company performs title search.
8) All documents finalized.
9) House ownership changes hands at closing.
10) Buyer and seller go away happy.

Now let's examine how in our hypothetical case things go wrong.

1) Instead of auctioneering all items auctioneer forgets who he is working for and cherry picks what he wants to auction. The rest he leaves in the house after thoroughly trashing it. He also disables water to the house after breaking the water line when removing the refrigerator. All members of the family are authorized to remove any articles from auction prior to sale date. Auctioneer tries to deny granddaughter access to items previously designated for her. After auction takes place family is left with a massive clean up job and disposal problem with items auctioneer couldn't be bothered with. Proceeds from auction disappear mopping up unethical auctioneer's leavings.
2) Realtor does list house. Tells family she has cash offer. Family accepts cash offer for house "as is". Oops! Realtor now says it is not a cash offer but there should be no problem with the loan. Closing date set.
3)Bank appraiser doesn't show up on time, closing date postponed. Weeks go by.
7)Title company can't get title search done on time, closing date postponed again.

Now buyer who has not had "as is" explained by realtor wants mold inspection and more cleaning done. Family declines. Realtor completely clueless and gives family false and conflicting information during this period. Finally family demands a firm closing date and buyer claims this is "too much pressure" and backs out.
So it's back to step 2.

To skip all the feverish phone calls and urgent emails from family to the realtor with the realtor whining that "I've never had trouble like this before" let's move ahead to the offer which finally culminated in a sale. Once this offer has been accepted, the house appraised and the loan approved a closing date is set and the realtor tells family "we have all the documents we need, everything is all set".

By now the family realizes that this statement means that there are going to be problems ahead and sure enough one week before closing each member of the family receives a packet of forms from the title company by email with an instruction list on which members need to sign which documents and which ones need to be notarized. The instructions are so incomprehensible that the family requests revised instructions that can be understood by normal human beings. A new set of instructions arrives the next day with instructions that totally contradict the first set. Requests for better instructions result in being told to call the office so "we can walk you through it." This produces an explosion from the family threatening to withhold commission from the realtor for non-performance. Finally this produces crystal clear instructions and the forms are returned from locations scattered all over the continent barely in time for closing.

Finally after three months of blunders, false starts and stupidity the sale closes.

The point of this rather lengthy tale is to ask - Why does it have to be this difficult? Of course corollaries to this question include "Why can't people just do what they get paid for?" and "Why is it so hard to keep incompetent people out of critical positions?" In this case our hypothetical family had a realtor that had to be told what to do and what was expected at every step in the process and who gave false information on numerous occasions, an auctioneer that was a borderline confidence man, appraisers that couldn't manage their work load, one title company that couldn't meet a deadline and one title company that had at least one employee that couldn't write comprehensible English. These aren't volunteers, these are people who get paid to do what they so egregiously fail to do in a satisfactory manner.

The American economy is going down for the third time, and these are the people and thousands like them standing firmly in the way of recovery. Lets let incompetents do hard manual labor and get some intelligence into the places that make capitalism actually work shall we?

Corporate Befuddlement

Today I am sitting in front of a computer screen doing nothing productive at time and a half.

Basically I am being paid to be the human equivalent of a Prozac tablet. Huge code rollout for the software I use last night and today testing is going on on the west coast which started at 4 AM PST and will go on until every possible scenario is tested. What no one has bothered to figure out is that testing every possible scenario would take days. Bear in mind that before this code rollout went live testing on a duplicate of the live environment went on for six weeks. So would common sense not dictate that testing on the live environment only be necessary for each component to be called and not every possible combination? Of course it would. So I think we can safely assume that there is no common sense at work in this particularly dysfunctional corporate world. As the day wears on and the zombificated testers work on into the night will anyone realize that six weeks of testing cannot be duplicated in a single weekend? I'm not holding my breath.

What makes this particularly galling is that I have had to postpone a holiday vacation with my extended family by one day so that I can come into the office and stare at the wall. My presence here is needed because the company I work for practices management by fear. Since they hire middle management not for their knowledge of the work that will be done by their employees but by their longevity and ability to avoid offending anyone higher up the ladder. Thus IT departments find themselves run by people with no knowledge of the technology used by the employees they manage. Consequently on a day like today people are called to sit in their cubes and rot "just in case". In other words because management is terrified someone will ask them a question they cannot answer. For instance "Hey why aren't the names fitting in the fields on the form?" Instead of being able to say "Because the server monkeys didn't load the correct fonts." management needs galley slaves tied to their benches who can spit out the answer. Note that this does not require the galley slave to actually haul on the oars (touch any code) it merely requires them to provide an statement that any moderately functional member of the department considers common knowledge.

The system works perfectly. Not only does the manager not have to know what's going on, the system of mandated overtime (a characteristic I have always considered as indicative of a sweat shop) insures that the manager will never have to learn it. Thus the presence of the code jockeys in the cubes allays the fear that a manager might be exposed as knowing nothing about their department.

I give you one guess as to which industry can afford to waste money in this manner.

..and a Tip of the Hat

So long Steve, the world would have been so different without you. Your vision made it a better place.