More Des Moines Shenanigans

I know the second installment of the cataract adventure is due, but I need to vent. Live with it.

rant mode on/

The latest demonstration of complete fail by the Des Moines city administration has to do with snow removal. As I've mentioned elsewhere Des Moines has a long standing tradition of never starting to clear the residential streets until the end of a storm. Considering that snow storms that last for several days are not uncommon this creates ridiculously difficult conditions for residents who simply want to get to work. Complaints to the street department always result in a litany of propaganda insisting that all major streets are cleared every morning of a storm in time for the rush hour. This is completely untrue as the morning rush hour after a storm is always characterized by commuters wallowing through piles of unplowed snow, sometimes actually above their bumpers.

This year, in a new propaganda campaign, the city designated several areas within the city "snow ordinance areas". What this means is that during a storm in these residential areas, residents may not park their cars on the street until snow removal is complete. According to information available on the city government web site snow removal on "snow routes" will be complete within 24 to 36 hours after the storm and residential streets 36 hours later. So home owners and other taxpayers may not park on the streets for a minimum of 72 hours. (Bear in mind that these are the city's figures and the clearing of residential streets within 72 hours after a storm is a wildly optimistic figure rarely achieved.) To add insult to injury there is a city ordinance that residents must clear their sidewalks within 48 hours after a storm - thus requiring the resident to be more efficient than the city street department.

Snow ordinance areas were newly instituted in December and after our first snowfall hundreds of tickets were issued to motorists who dared to park their cars on the street having nowhere else to park them (they could pull them up into their yard if another ordinance with a higher fine did not prohibit that). Des Moines was very diligent in issuing the tickets as police had to drive through snow choked streets to issue them. Naturally a huge outcry from the populace arose following this deluge of penalties and the result was a media blitz intended to sooth irate townspeople by telling them how refraining from parking on the designated streets during a storm would result in faster snow removal. News anchors were actually able to deliver this information with a straight face.

So now we have had our first major snow storm and are into the second 24 hours of continuous snowfall. Of course the residential streets in the snow ordinance areas remain untouched and the only evidence of plowing is on state routes and major highways. As one slides through the piles of snow on the way to work street department trucks are occasionally seen with their blades up and their sand/salt spreaders inactive. Having lived in several other cities in my life, some in areas with much more annual snowfall than Des Moines, I would expect denizens of Des Moines to descend on city hall if not with pitchforks at least with irate demands for some improved return on their inordinately high property taxes. I remember a snowfall some years back where the tardy clearing of streets in Chicago resulted in the ouster of the mayor. Not so in Des Moines. I'm not sure whether the populace of Des Moines believes the BS that the spokespeople for the city are so skilled at disseminating or whether they think that this is the way it is everywhere. Certainly the latter is possible as Iowa is a very insular state with few outsiders immigrating from other states and few inhabitants venturing beyond Iowa's borders to return with tales of far off climes like Colorado where they actually know how to remove snow in a timely manner.

Whatever the case - Des Moines Street Department, you are inefficient, unrepentant, incompetent and hypocritical. Snow ordinance my lily white ass, smoke screen is more like it.

/ end rant

Thanks for reading.

National Paranoia Gone Wild

As my wife and I are preparing for our annual escape from the eternal battle with the weather in Iowa I've been recalling an incident that occurred on our vacation last year.

Early September in northern North Dakota and we are spending most of our time collapsed in our cabin recovering from Iowa toxicity. Casting about on the map for possible locations of interest I note that we are only 90 minutes from the International Peace Garden. This could be interesting and perhaps present some photo ops. So the next morning we load the two dachshunds and a picnic lunch in the car and head north.

We should have sensed an omen as we headed up US 281 into the hills locally known as the Turtle Mountains and the fog gets thicker and thicker. By the time we reach the entrance to the park it's a real pea souper and the temp is 58-60 degrees. There is the familiar park service brown sign on the side of the road directing us to the park entrance. We pay the $10.00 entry fee and receive a brochure. I proceed to the nearest parking lot and stop to read about the scenic delights awaiting us (that we have no hope of seeing through the fog). A brief glance at the first page and I say to the wife "Oh-oh, it looks like we may actually be in Canada." Having closely followed the panic of isolationism following 9/11 we know that in order to stop the flow of terrorists from Canada to the US (pause for derisive laughter), for the first time in either nation's history, a US passport is now necessary to return from Canada to the US. Canada, still retaining a modicum of common sense, lets Americans drive right in.

So after we huddle shivering in the cold fog over a picnic table eating our lunch and then drive around the park where everything worth looking at is totally obscured by fog we decide to leave. As we leave the entrance of the park I sense the proximity of an odious substance to a fan when I see that in order to proceed south I must pass through a check point. When I pull up to the booth housing the Federal Border Thug (FBT) in my car bearing Iowa plates the FBT asks "You from the states?" followed by "Got any identification?" After both my wife and I offer our Iowa driver's licenses, the FBT says "Got passports?" Of course we don't so we are ordered to pull our car into a building resembling a warehouse, the FBT retaining our IDs.

Second FBT approaches the car:

"Give me your keys, grab your dogs and get out of the car."

We are led into the holding area where another hapless couple is waiting on a bench holding hands and visibly frightened. My wife is ordered to hand over her purse and I am ordered to empty my pockets. All these items vanish behind the counter and then we are questioned.

"Do you have a job?"
"If you work in Iowa what are you doing in Canada?"
Duh! there's an International Peace Garden here. Ever hear of tourism?
"Did you meet anyone in the woods."
Are you kidding me? Yeah this older middle aged couple came to the International Peace Garden with their dachshunds to pick up some grenades and rocket launchers. We couldn't think of a better way to make the exchange than trying to pull this off without passports.

"Sit down."

Which we did. And now I begin to worry. The FBTs have my car keys, all my ID, my credit cards, my money and all my wife's similar objects.

Meanwhile other FBTs are in the warehouse searching our car. I begin to wonder if they are so anxious to stick aging hippies with something that they will plant evidence in my car.

But, thankfully, after 30 minutes of holding our terrified dogs while we sit on a bench, our belongings are returned and we are allowed to proceed on our way. As we are escorted out to our car I mention to the FBT that there is no sign of any kind indicating that entering the International Peace Garden (a name which has now assumed a certain irony) entails leaving the United States, much less that there will be grave consequences should you try to re-enter.

The FBT laconically replies "Yeah, we get a lot of that."

I'm not sure I can comment rationally on this level of stupidity, let alone waste of tax payer money as the facts speak eloquently for themselves. And I have to wonder about the collective IQ of congress (I don't have to wonder about the IQ of George W. Bush the architect of all this paranoia - his level of intelligence or lack of it has always been glaringly evident) who let thousands of undocumented aliens pour across the border with Mexico, but want to harass midwestern tourists trying to visit the International Peace Garden. As John Stossel would say "Give me a break".

Municipal Self Congratulation vs. Facts

Recently Des Moines, Iowa sent out an “informational” pamphlet to all the households in the city telling us how wonderful Des Moines is to live in, what a great job the city council is doing and how we should all quit bitching and fall down and worship our municipal benefactors. This was done at a cost of 93 cents per household for a total in the neighborhood of eighty thousand dollars. I’m not sure I would have been real happy with this expenditure even if the content were even close to accurate, but since I’m not, let’s take a look at how that 80K could have been better spent.

If I had more time and patience I would take each claim by the city fathers and cite an example to refute each one, but it will probably suffice to make a list.

1.have now lived here for 10 years. During that period of time there has not been a single day when the streets in the financial district, the heart of Des Moines’ tax base, has been free of barricades. Maybe we should fix streets before mailing pamphlets.

2.During the same 10 year period (in subsequent items, just assume that they are the result of 10 years observation) the entire storm drain system has been entirely inadequate. Water stands in the streets after even modest rainstorms. During heavy rains manhole covers are blown out of the streets and small geysers produce impassible conditions. In addition any precipitation at all causes a large segment of the city’s traffic lights to quit working. Is this a problem in an area where hardly a day passes in the spring and summer without a flood warning somewhere in the state? Think 80 grand might be a start toward alleviation?

3.The city loves to tout its river walk. One of the highlights of the river walk is a huge ugly complex of girders, mud and construction equipment that has been in this condition for at least 3 years and resembles nothing so much as an industrial dump site.

4.Downtown is supposed to be vital and thriving. The area is riddled with empty warehouses, department stores and condos.

5.The street department has absolutely no ability to plan ahead. The prime example of this is that in a two year period the street running in front of the State Capitol Building was entirely dug up three times for three separate projects. Could money have been saved by doing all three on a single time table?

6.The street department’s scheduling leaves a great deal to be desired in other areas as well. They certainly know how to start projects. They can put up barricades and tear up the streets – but then the projects are left alone while other streets are torn up and barricaded. Projects are scheduled for completion only after every street projected for work has been torn up and barricaded. Then years pass until the projects grind slowly to completion. In the meantime each spring, new barricades and torn up streets are added to the list whether the previous year’s work is done or not.

7.Streets are a problem in more ways than one. This is the only city of the many I have lived in that allows semis, construction equipment and other heavy machinery to drive on residential streets. Not only does this tear up the streets but trying to get around semis parked on narrow residential streets in order to get to your home is always a challenge.

8.I can remember driving through cities as early as the late 60s that had synchronized stop lights where it was possible to drive at a constant speed and avoid stopping. This is still news to our city fathers. Traffic lights go up with the settings they left the factory with. No synchronization not to mention the lack of different cycles for heavy traffic times and light traffic times. How much gas do you suppose is wasted sitting at red lights watching completely empty cross streets in industrial areas on Sundays and Holidays?

9.In the heart of the city, the financial district, where commuter traffic is heaviest, railroad lines actually run through the streets causing massive jams when trains run through during the rush hour. Progressive city Des Moines? This is strictly a cow town feature.

10.I have not seen a city police patrol car in the neighborhood I live in other than for emergency calls the aforementioned 10 years. Stop lights and stop signs are run, noise ordinances disregarded, residential streets used as drag strips, speed limits ignored and traffic ordinances of any kind pretty much ignored. There is no law in Dodge! Enforcement is nil. I don’t get it – and we really don’t have that many donut shops.

These are the most egregious faults. Like any city we have our urban blight. Empty stores can be found all over the city, some once inhabited by large retailers and now surrounded by weeds and debris. Areas where VIPs live and drive get plenty of attention while middle class neighborhoods get attention much later and low income housing is a black hole.

Things are unlikely to change because the city council is preoccupied with such matters as whether to rename a building that currently bears the name of a previous council member who is now a convicted felon for misappropriation of public funds. The populace has been cowed into an attitude of acceptance by complete disregard of their wishes by city hall. Publish all the pamphlets you want Des Moines Council. Those who live here know better.

Sorry this wasn't funnier. Living here is not funny either.